Month 1 with Baby – This is Only the Beginning
Baby is finally one month old! I (somehow) survived the first month with her! Though I survived, it was a truthfully stressful February.
I know there’s this mother/daughter-in-law don’t get along thing (嫁姑問題 yome-shutome mondai), but I get along fine with mine. She even came to Tokyo for one month to help with chores and to do cooking.
But even then, with the extra hands, I was always irritated. Like, I’d go into the cabinet for a cup or something, and everything would be in a different place. Anything my husband said or did just put me over the edge. “Did I really marry someone this stupid/insensitive/useless?” I continuously thought. There was a time when I even wanted my husband and mother-in-law to return to Ibaraki and leave me alone.
Or, my mother-in-law is afraid of dogs, so I’d be the one to walk our dog when my husband was at work. I’d come home from our walk and baby was in FULL monster mode, so I had to try to calm her down before feeding her. But before that, I was sweaty, so I needed to at least wipe myself clean before I could nurse her.
Naturally, a baby can not understand that I need to get cleaned up before I could feed her. She just knows that her mama is there but is not feeding her. Which would make here cry more fiercely and make me feel like a horrible person for letting her cries get to such an extreme point.
The first month, I felt like a cow. I had a baby constantly at my breast. I chose to breastfeed because it’s free and convenient, but in the first month, I was really regretting it. No cracked nipples, thankfully, but I had a very PAINFUL letdown. Plus it was so forceful, poor baby was choking and sometimes refused to feed.
On top of that, I never knew what baby wanted.
“Do you really need to feed again?”
“I literally just changed your diaper!”
“You have a clean diaper and I just fed you- what’s wrong now?”
“WHY WON’T YOU SLEEEEEEP????!?!?!?!”
“I NEED A DRINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
And so on.
It’s funny now, but it was rough then. Really rough. Now I feel like I can decode her cries, and I kind of know what she wants. It’s getting better, somehow…